I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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