Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
someone owes me an orgasm
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
