i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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