I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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