"it" just moved
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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