We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
