I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Pants are for mortals
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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