I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
