people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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