Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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