Porn is love you can see.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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