I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
