my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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