ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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