I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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