I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
