Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you had me at cake vodka
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Randomize
