Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
