put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
