Nicole vs. Life
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
ttyl tear gas
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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