did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
