I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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