So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Shame - the story of my life.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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