Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
