I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
