i think i have herpe
just one?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
