i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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