I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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