I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
