Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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