If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
