I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
