I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
