I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
