I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Hello my rib-scented angel!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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