It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
