Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
