went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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