just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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