remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
