yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
