Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
