The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
