I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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