woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
