I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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