I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
