I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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