none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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