Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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