This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
PANTIES FOUND
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
