Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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